Science is thirsty work

Like any rational being, I prefer to drink fresh running water. But in fulfilling this normal desire, I face three challenges. First, unlike the giant creatures that share my home, I am not able to manipulate the mysterious devices that cause water to flow. Second, I have not yet attained a mastery of communication with the creatures such that I can make my desires known to them. I am forced to cry out loudly, to gain their attention, and physically lead them to the source of water -- as though they forget, each day, where it is! Last, even when my thirst is slaked, the ordeal is not over, for I often find myself, soon thereafter, restrained and subject to a vigorous toweling off of the head. It has always been evident that the creatures are averse to cleanliness, but it is only at times like this that I see just how different we are. They most likely believe that they are doing me a kindness; so alien to their minds is the idea of being clean that they feel I must be injured somehow by mere proximity to water! They seem to believe that by drinking it, I've gotten it all over my head! It's remarkable.

For the love of science

I've been doing extensive research on the humans in my environment. I walk all over the house, yelling repeatedly, and observe their reactions, which are quite curious. If you want to undertake this kind of a study, it is important to being each session with adequate supplies of food and water, so that your cries are not misinterpreted as gustatory requests. Then, cry out, and observe your humans. Do they respond vocally, or with actions? Do they lock you in the bathroom? It is important to continue yelling for as long as possible, regardless, in order to collect the maximum amount of experimental data. It is also useful to try at different times of day and night.

Thus far, results of my own studies in this area are inconclusive. But I can't help but feel, each day, that perhaps this experiment will be the one during which enlightenment dawns.

International colloquy

An opportunity for a tremendous boost to my researches -- I've discovered a colleague on the continent! I'm thrilled, and yet, somewhat envious. He's a world traveller, and gets to eat lizards. He also began his researches before I did, and consequently has beaten me to several major discoveries. For example, he lives with two of them, too, but has successfully categorized them into two classes by the tonality of their vocalizations! Amazing! I will have to redouble my efforts. Look for a treatise soon on the theory and practice of knocking things onto the floor as a means of getting their attention.

Confusion?

One of my students-slash-research subjects -- I won't call him a 'guinea pig', since rodents are delicious and tiny and squeaky, not huge and noisy and hairless -- has .... I wish I could eat a guinea pig right now. Mmmm.

What was I saying? Oh yes. My foolish student, who copy-cats my 'blogging' idea here, has apparently tricked the librarians of the world into visiting me. He says to say that if you are interested in help with something called "squidguard", you should read this. If you need help eating some squid or anything, though, you should talk to me.

I have some very important tests to perform right now around the couch, but if I have some free time later on, I'll try to convince my students to post a picture of me, taken way back in my own book-lover days.

Mirabile dictu

I finally got through to them. I was talking and talking, as usual, and they were ignoring and ignoring, as usual. Or jabbering back at me in that way that they do. But then, I noticed, they had left the water running in the sink! Just what I had been asking for -- sweet, sweet sink water. Was it a coincidence? Or have I finally managed to communicate? My experiments will continue.

Lately

I haven't had a lot to say lately, because I'm on strike. They are starving me! It's almost midnight. It's time for breakfast! Where is the food?

In other news, the window was open today, and I heard some food outside flying around in the trees. It never came inside, though. Anyway, I like the food that moves slower.

Happy

Today, I got the milk!